40410 | 07 // audio // when in doubt, eavesdrop

You shouldn't drink.

You're a terrible drunk.

What the f--

[He sounds startled, then annoyed. He also sounds frightened, and that's not gonna go away for the whole conversation.]

This is coffee.

And I'm... I want to say I'm not a terrible drunk, but if you're saying it it must be true so I'm kind of ashamed and glad that I haven't gotten drunk while I've been here, not that it's not been tempting sometimes. Oh, fuck this event. [You know what he can't talk through? Coffee in his mouth. Glug.]

[J laughs, actually laughs, but it's a sort of hollow, bitter sound. He doesn't mean it to be, that's just the way he laughs. I know, right?]

Good, because honestly you're a terrible drunk. Well, for you. You're hilarious when you're drunk. I've only seen it once or twice but it was freaking hilarious both times.

I don't get drunk. I don't like it.

[His voice gets quieter.] ...Losing control of your body isn't something I really enjoy. Forgetting things doubly.

[...for someone extolling the sins of booze, J sounds a lot like one of those drunk guys in pubs who latch onto you to tell their tragic life stories.

In four years, Alex only once got complacent enough to drink himself into forgetfulness, and that was only after about three and a half of them. Amy thought he was having some sort of fit the next morning when he realised he was missing time. It was stupid, stupid, stupid.

He shudders.]

Not exactly a shocking secret, J.

Yeah, well. I've never been all that interesting.

[He's quiet for a moment.]

What the hell is your problem?

I've got a lot of problems. [Glaaaaaare at the screen, though he knows J can't see it.] Anything more specific in mind?

[...on second thought, don't answer that.]

Yeah, no shit. [He still has that unaffected dead sort of tone he always does.] I mean your problem with me. I thought we were friends. [Oh, but there he sounds a little hurt. Ouch.]

I wish we were, but --

[Oh shit, he walked into this. Okay, we've got regret, shame, a spot of extra fear; it's a party in Alex's voice and all the crappy emotions are invited!]

When I talk to anyone from that project, I - [He clenches his teeth, but that works for all of three seconds.] - it's like going back to that summer. It's like reliving what he did. I keep thinking he's gonna jump out from around a corner, which he probably will now, or that next time we see each other you won't remember anything we talked about. I can't deal with that. 'Cause you forgot everything, J. Everything. Those times he wandered onto set. Half the shoot. Searching around in the forest behind that red tower...

[He finally manages to slow to a stop, swallowing heavily. Fuck. Hope you're happy. His heart's not in the thought.]

You wish- [but he stops there, and he pauses for a long time.

When he finally speaks, his voice is low, and if Alex cares to listen hard enough he can hear the hurt in it.]

_{I looked for you.} When I watched those tapes I saw things I didn't remember, things that scared the hell out of me. I kept looking because I had to know you were alive. [A beat.] When I gave up, when I ran for my life? They watched me. They found me again. Sent me a tape with you and your girlfriend.

I don't know what's happened to me, Alex. I know that when I find out? It'll probably end in death. They'll find me in some branches somewhere, or there'll be a fire, or I'll just be gone, suffocating behind some goddamn mask.

_{And you know, I wish I could say I wouldn't regret it.

But I do.

Especially now.}

[He pauses for a moment, like he's going to say something else (something along the lines of "so fucking sorry I can't overcome the supernatural"), but he just snaps the feed off instead.]

[Alex feels sick.

You're not gonna die, is one thought that sticks out. He doesn't try to say it out loud; he doesn't know if he'd be able to, because he doesn't know if it's true. You're not gonna die. He looks down at his hands; the tiny white scars are invisible in the darkness. His grip tightens on his coffee mug.]

*Smiiiiiiiirk. He knows that's you Alex.*

[Alex is very tempted to pretend he didn't see that and switch the channel without acknowledging it. Of course, today he doesn't get a say in that.]

Hey Tim.

Shit.

*switches back to audio now that he's done smirking*

Having fun hiding?

No, but it's better than blurting out everything to everyone.

[Did we mention he sounds frightened? He sounds frightened, his voice low and trembling slightly. Not frightened of Tim; it's the 24/7 fear that makes him stressed and snappish, and because of the event he can't cover it up.]

What do you have to blurt out to people? I'm pretty sure people already know that you're paranoid and love cameras.

I managed to get through 3 whole days without mentioning that I sometimes turn into a masked drug addict.

I lie a lot. [A small, frustrated noise at being made to admit it again.] And I wish you hadn't mentioned that, because the fact that you do that frightens me. Crap. This is why I'm hiding!

Oh, it frightens you. How the hell do you think I feel? I don't even know what to do about it. Should I lock myself in my room forever? Commit suicide?

*Okay. He hadn't meant to say that.*

You know what... nevermind. I don't even know why I talk to you..

*Ever heard Tim sound miserable before? Here's your chance.*

[Welp, Alex feels like a complete and utter dick.]

I wish I had all the answers, okay? [he snaps, despite his efforts to stay silent.] I wish I could just magic up a solution. But when I saw him on the screen I could hardly even talk, so when I see him in real life, I don't know if I'll be able to attack him - but I know that I have to do something to stop him because I'm the one who started this, he was after me and [FUUUCK HE CAN'T STOP TALKING] I wish I'd burned those fucking tapes when I had the chance. It's my fault he's hurting you, it's my fault he's hurting J, all of this is my fault.

[The absolute cherry on the whole shit cake would be starting to cry, wouldn't it? So of course, the event obliges. Alex scrubs angrily at his eyes, but there's no concealing of emotions and he's not allowed to keep his voice from choking.]

So I'm sorry I don't have the answers right now.

*There's stunned silence as Tim processes all of this.*

I ... Jeez, don't cry. It's not your fault.

*He doesn't know that but it's not really a lie since he has no idea what you're talking about when you mention burning tapes. He's searching for something comforting to say but with their current predicament, nothing is really coming to mind.*

I'm just .. stressed, you know? And making light of the situation is how I cope.

I'm trying not to. I hate this event so much.

[You can add "deep, deep embarrassment" to the list of emotions staining his voice right now.]

Sorry, I didn't mean to bring it all to the surface. Want me to leave you alone?

Yes.

[...it wasn't meant to come out as bluntly as that.]

Fine.

*Instead of shutting the feed off like a normal person he chucks the communicator against a wall, betraying how hurt he feels.*

[Normally Alex would be very high on her top ten list of people to avoid right now, but Lamb has had a very unpleasant hallway encounter during the very late hours of the last event day, so when she catches the mysteriously quiet feed coming from his channel minutes later she decides that this is a chance she can't possibly miss. She sets the communication to audio only and decides that she will simply have to make up an excuse for what she's about to do once the event is over.]

Alex, this is Sofia. Are you there?

[He'd noticed that Sofia hadn't checked in on him, but it's not as though she's required to, and if she's decided to make herself scarce for the event then he can't exactly blame her. He's surprised anyone's still talking to each other by now.

Anyway, her transmission answers his question about whether the event is still happening, because he's compelled to answer:]

Yeah, I'm here.

[...with a certain amount of reluctance and also the requisite undisguised fear that's been mentioned here and there.]

How are you holding up?

I was fine until now, but I am afraid if this event goes on much longer I will be forced to strangle somebody with my bare hands.

[...she was going to go for something like 'tired', but uhm... yeah. Anyway, let's make the next one as casual-]

While I am on the subject, what can you tell me about your friend J?

[...and inconspicuous as possible. DAMMIT.]

I've just been hiding. [Thanks a bunch, event. Make him phrase it in the least flattering way possible, why don't you?

...Whoa, that was incredibly blunt and slightly worryingly phrased.]

A lot. We were friends for a while. [He shakes off the urge to go barreling into a full-on description of the guy and instead asks:] Why?

So have I. [Mrgh.]

He knows more than he ought to and I need to know why.

[This was not supposed to be an equal exchange. She isn't particularly happy about it, but she will have to pick up the pace.]

What is his full name? How long have you known him? Where did he live?

[He wants to know what she means by more than he ought to, exactly, but he can't ask because he's already talking.]

Jay Field. The Jay's actually the full three-letter name. We were friends for a while before college, so I guess... three or four years, we knew each other? But before he came here, we hadn't spoken for about that long. [His voice goes quiet as he says that, ashamed.] We were both living in Helena, that's in Montana, I don't know if he stayed there. Sof, I don't think I should start spilling everything about him without him saying it's okay.

I would not be asking you now if I thought he would consent to me knowing.

[Good thing this is audio, because that's one massive eyeroll at the event right there.]

One last question, Alex. What does Jay mean when he says that he "played the game"?

[Alex does not like this flash of insight into her character.]

He played the game? [Uh. That has him stumped.] I have no idea. What do you mean he knows more than he ought to? What's going on?

[Her first instict is to turn the device off now, before there is any more unwanted sharing on her part, but at the last second she stops herself. She thinks about his enquiry. This conversation is not going to earn her any gold stars in Alex's book and his question may just be one she would answer truthfully anyway, so she might as well have him know for certain she's not lying. Her speech is slow and deliberate. She hopes that way there may still be some room for navigation.]

He talked to me on the channel in the hallway only minutes ago. He said he knew all about me before he even arrived in Wonderland. He knew about Rapture, not only of its existence, but of events nobody from the surface could possible know about. He knew about my death!

[ANDHANDOVERMOUTHOHSHIT. That's exactly the kind of thing she wanted to avoid, the reason she was talking slowly, BUT HEY, why give a poor woman the satisfaction of stopping before she mentions the thing that's bothering her the most, the most terrible of all terrible memories, the one nobody here should know about, ISN'T THAT RIGHT, YOU DAMN MANSION?!

And because she's as disturbed by mentioning her death to anybody than she was by hearing about this in the first place her voice totally doesn't break, nope, not at all.]

I just don't understand how he could possibly...

[She swallows. Pauses. Change of subject. Change of subject. Deep breath. Chance of subject.]

I am sorry I had to interrogate you like this, Alex.

[Alex is quiet for a long time, because he has no idea how to respond to what he just heard.

Her death?

From her voice, there's no way she's kidding. Hell, she can't be; it's a truth event. Alex really does need to network more extensively; a month in the mansion and he still hasn't learned that some people are dead.]

Your death?

[He sounds half stunned, half confused, half worried - never mind that that's too many halves. And then he realises that the event might make her answer that. And it doesn't sound like she's up to that. She's treated him leniantly in the past, so--]

Don't - don't answer that.

[She sounds like she needs help. Pretty much every occasion on which he's interacted with a person has proven that he's bad at giving help, but...]

...Come up here. I'll make you coffee, and... and we can be silent at each other until the event stops.

I was-

[Despite Alex's interjection it takes a great deal of effort to not spill the truth about her death, but her relief over him not pushing for an answer is a truth too, one that wins out in the end.]

Thank you, Alex. I-

[If he says he will be silent until the event stops, does that mean he definitely can't change his mind when she arrives? If he does, will she have to knock him unconscious with a vase and run? And could the narration please refrain from slapstick images and stick to the solemn mood of gratefulness Lamb feels over his offer?]

I'm on my way.

07 // audio // when in doubt, eavesdrop

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[sober audio is sober 8|]

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